I’m Lonely

This was what someone said to me, which sparked an interesting conversation, but more so, made me think. You know what?

I am lonely.

To steal some of his words, not lonely in the sense that I hate being alone and it makes me depressed and all I want to do is cry and be emotional about it. But it gets frustrating. That kind of lonely.

I’m surrounded by people. Try some 6 over million people squashed together on barely an island. It’s so frikkin crowded everywhere, there’s no space to breathe. And in all those people, it’s hard to even find someone to have a decent conversation with.

On a personal level: It’s hard to find anyone who can not only get my humour, but beat me at it. It’s hard to find anyone who can challenge my wit or who has the stamina to go at it all night (banter, I mean). It’s hard to find anyone who finds my quirkiness and silliness amusing and endearing instead of weird and stupid. It’s hard to find anyone who can truly appreciate my creative expression.

But more importantly: It’s hard to find anyone who just loves life and who doesn’t keep giving in to negativity or complain till the cows come home. It’s hard to find anyone who isn’t materialistic and who doesn’t value wealth and a comfy lifestyle a little too much. It’s hard to find anyone who is game to just drop everything and go somewhere, anywhere, to travel and explore the world. It’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t think life = get a degree, get a job as a banker/engineer/manager, get a car, get married, get a flat, have kids. It’s hard to find anyone who’s passionate about things that won’t bring them any wealth or tangible benefits. It’s hard to find anyone willing to take the risks or make the sacrifices necessary to bring goodness to the lives of others who have less. It’s hard to find someone who isn’t selfish and who doesn’t constantly seek to benefit themselves only, especially at the expense of others.

And it’s hard to find anyone who’s ready to meet someone amazing and recognise that, who’s ready to be vulnerable, to care for another person enough to give them the power to hurt you, perhaps even deeply.

Sure is lonely indeed.

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