Honesty VS Sincerity

If I learnt something today, it’s that honesty and sincerity are actually very different things. They often go together, and we hope beyond hope to receive them from others, and they possibly are two of the key fundamental essentials in any relationship (lovers or friends), well, the real ones worth keeping anyways.

The word Honesty comes from the Latin word “honestus”, which means “honourable”. It’s about integrity, and not being deceptive or fraudulent. It’s about being upright and aboveboard, and not hiding information, or leading someone on to believe something that isn’t true. It’s about showing your hand.

Honesty is important because it ties in so closely with trust. And trust is one of the building blocks of any relationship, without which, well, you can forget about it lasting.

I’ve always treasured honesty. The thing about dishonesty, is, well, once you’re dishonest, even once, you’re always going to be maybe dishonest. But it’s hard to find people who are completely honest. And it’s even harder to find people with whom you can allow yourself to be completely honest.

So naturally, when you do, you hold on to such relationships. Like the last vestige or purity and innocence still left in this lying, deceptive world. Like an oasis of hope and kindness in a cracked up desert of selfishness.

Except, the thing about the truth, is that sometimes, you can’t handle the truth. When the truth isn’t what you want to hear. When the truth is something that you can’t accept. When the truth is something that goes against everything you’ve ever known, that challenges you in ways you’re not even sure you want to be challenged, and that bores right into your soul and stabs you deep within so you can’t even pull it out. Yep, sometimes the truth hurts.

And therein lies this tricky loophole about honesty. Honesty can hurt. And honesty can be rejected.

What about sincerity, then?

The word Sincerity comes from the Latin word “sincerus”, which means “pure” or “clean”. It presents the quality of being genuine, not feigned, without hypocrisy or pretense.

Being genuine with another person is probably one of the toughest things to do with another person. Because half the time, the trouble is we are hardly even genuine with ourselves.

I’ve been down that road before, and it’s a slippery path. Just as much as you can turn your attitude into a positive one by repeating motivational mantras to yourself, tell yourself a lie often enough and you’ll start to believe it too.

Truth is a little easier to detect in sincerity though. Sincerity in words is usually accompanied by an earnestness, an eager longing to please, and sometimes, a little uncertainty. And sincere actions, well, they speak volumes on their own.

The difference, I think, is that you can be honest without being sincere, but it’ll be harder to be sincere without being honest. And you could also be perfect dishonest about your sincerity. (Why, I wouldn’t know.) Although, that having been said, sincerity is the basis of the white lie. And well, truth be told, one could also be sincerely dishonest!

Ideally, we’d want both honesty and sincerity to be found together. But if you had to choose only one, would you choose honesty, or sincerity? To receive from others, or to be?

50 Annoying Things That Happen When There’s Something There

50 Annoying Things That Happen When There’s Something There

  1. You feel like arriving at their doorstep unannounced and unexpected just to see that look of surprised joy (you hope) on their face.
  2. You catch them staring at you while you’re speaking, and when you pause to acknowledge their stare, they just comment on how cute you are. Which makes you smile. And light up inside.
  3. Occasionally their fingers get itchy and all they seem to want to do is tickle you. All over.
  4. Something as boring as catching up on the latest TV series on a laptop in bed suddenly feels like the most romantic thing in the world. And sometimes, you don’t even care what’s on.
  5. You don’t have to communicate with each other for hours when apart when you know you’ll be seeing each other soon. It’s enough to fuel any long, crazy, or boring day.
  6. They smile when you pronounce something differently, and not because it’s weird the way you said it, but because it’s quaint and almost charming.
  7. You both get excited about talk of “Next time, let’s…”
  8. They shed a tear for something they did that hurt you.
  9. You’re willing to take a leap of faith.
  10. Every conversation in text is peppered with little smileys. Every conversation in person is peppered with little kisses.
  11. They know what you want to say before you even say it, because they’ve observed it from the articles and links you post on Facebook.
  12. They personally text you their reply to your latest Facebook status minutes after you post it.
  13. You’re dying inside trying to play it cool when all you want to do is see them all the time.
  14. They are kind to you. Kinder than anyone you’ve ever been with, or maybe even met. And they make you become a kinder person. Kinder than you’ve ever been.
  15. You can look into each other’s eyes for the longest time and let your mind wander… and yet, every thought will begin with them, and end with them.
  16. You make each other laugh. Out loud. Without a care. A chuckle, a guffaw, a crackle.
  17. They take your preferences and likes and needs into consideration, and make the effort to make sure you’re taken care of.
  18. They know everything about you – every damn mistake you’ve ever made – and they still want to spend time with you.
  19. They inspire you to hope, to reach out for more, to dream, to look forward to a better future.
  20. They make time for you.
  21. You walk past shops and see things that remind you of them and feel an intense urge to get them just so you can share them together.
  22. You have these random flashes of inspiration which makes you do weirdly creative things like make little instaquotes or write songs about them.
  23. You’re not afraid to be open with them, to be vulnerable and scared, and let them see you cry.
  24. They send you little pictures throughout the day just because they want to share their life with you.
  25. They’re just as comfortable with you outside in public as they are when it’s just the two of you alone.
  26. They hold your hand. And stroke it affectionately with their thumb. When you’re out on the street, and when you’re lying in bed.
  27. You’re completely honest with each other about everything. Your pasts, your presents, your futures. 100% honest-to-god-dammit honest.
  28. They are real with you, and you are real with them. No games, no smooth lines, just good old fashioned sincerity.
  29. They’re the first person you want to tell anything to, like when you receive good news or are faced with a problem.
  30. The music you listen together becomes special because it represents time spent together.
  31. You ask each other personal questions and really think about the answers.
  32. You create little special activities that you love doing together, something to call your own.
  33. You don’t mind letting yourself fall asleep because you know you’ll wake up in their arms, with them kissing your hair and whispering “Good morning” in your ear.
  34. Long before anyone even admitted liking anyone, the companionship, chemistry and conversation were already extremely enjoyable.
  35. They accommodate the funniest diets that you’re on.
  36. You want to know all about them, everything, the good and the bad, because you want to know what makes them the person that they are, the person you now admire.
  37. You have a great deal of respect for each other.
  38. You’re always considerate of each other’s feelings in any matter, and you’re willing to make amendments if it means they will be happier or better taken care of.
  39. You enjoy your favourite things a whole lot more just because they enjoy them too.
  40. You start noticing beauty in everything, more so than ever before.
  41. Tomorrow can wait. You just want to indulge in every moment together because it’s so amazing.
  42. The touches that mean more are the tender ones, the kisses that mean more are the ones on your nose and forehead, and the words that mean the most are the ones that even they were not expecting to say.
  43. You both want to see more of each other and less of everybody else.
  44. They get more and more attractive the more you realise how much you love being with them, and that in turn fans the flames of desire you feel for them.
  45. Making love feels oh so right. And sex doesn’t get in the way. Being together wins every time.
  46. Even after having them, it’s never enough and you just want more. And you want to kiss them all over. All the time.
  47. You don’t ever want to see them sad. In fact, if it were in your power, you’d just want to make them happy forever.
  48. You feel like you can take on any obstacle life throws at you if they’re by your side. And with them in your life, your life would be complete.
  49. You’re completely in denial that you might be – don’t say it – falling in love.
  50. The thought that they might not feel the same way scares you beyond hell, and suddenly, you’re seventeen and pathetically insecure again.

Helplessness

I stood there for a second, looking at the road that stretched out before me as I walked home, trying to get a handle on things.. What was this feeling, the emotion boiling up like rage, but not really, with all the smackings of anger and upset and disappointment, a close cousin of frustration, a stirred up cocktail of aggression and weariness, an undeniable rumble in the belly, an apparent ache that spreads throughout the chest and hunches the shoulders, an annoying tugging in the face that knits the brows and curves the lips to meet each other in repellant attraction, and a ball of almost-disgust lodged somewhere in the esophagus? Oh, it was helplessness.

Death Becomes Me

Death scares me.

I never thought that were true before. I recognise the fact that we are transient. I know our time on this earth is but a passing whisper. I’ve watched, as Death gripped its bony fingers around a loved one and together they turned to dust. I’ve lived through the pain of surviving when they are gone. I know, one day, those fingers will curl hard around my shoulder too, and that’ll be it.

I’m not afraid of Death. I’m not afraid of the pain or the suffering or the helplessness that rides its coattails. I believe, that when the hour is nigh, and the sun sets for the last time, I would go easily. I’d hold out my hands in no protest, and offer myself up completely.

Unless. I had not lived. If I had not lived when living was to be done, the moment I became aware of this, I’d pray Death not to come. One day more, I’d ask. One more chance.

If life is not what death is not, and a life not lived is not a life at all, then Death becomes me. It will wrap itself all over me, shrouding me from light, from life. It will emblazon itself on my forehead, stitch itself into my crest, write itself into my creed, and I will be Death.

And Death scares me.

Being Unproductive

This morning I awoke at 11ish.

And I felt bad.

Yes, it’s a Saturday. Yes, I have every right to sleep in on the weekend. Yes, I definitely deserve to do so after the crazy week I’ve had.

But something about it felt foreign, and even a little dirty. Perhaps due to the fact I was due at a photo marathon today, but chose to play hooky instead. But also I realised, I’ve not taken a personal day in a long, long time. Months.

A personal day to me is when you don’t think about achieving anything. There are no To-Do Lists. There are no errands that need running, no laundry that needs doing, no floors that need sweeping, but even more so, no work that needs to be done, no art that needs to be created, no words that need to be written.

Productivity is a pretty big thing with me. I get a bit annoyed and restless if I do not accomplish or achieve something each day. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but something, anything, that makes me feel I have contributed something, anything to this world, my world.

Today is what I would consider a highly unproductive day. Well, of course at the back of my mind I had set out a million things I wanted to do. Archive my iPhone pictures (there’s 7,000++ photos in my camera roll that need to be “delete(d) after import(ing)”). Go through all my junk at home and clear out (hopefully) 75% of it, and sort out what gets sold off for cheap at my upcoming flea market on 20 & 21 July. Finally read the rest of the book I’m supposed to adapt. Write a song (at least). Fill up some applications that have just been sitting there. Sort out my bills. Write, something, anything.

Well, the import’s going on (albeit tiresomely slowly) in the background as I write this, so that’s at least the first and last items on the list taken care of. The rest will just have to wait. Because right now I’m busy doing something else.

Learning how to let everything else wait.