“In the meantime, the joy of spending time with friends is poisoned by my inability to reciprocate… My friends’ complaints are things like, ‘We’re so behind on saving for college/retirement,’ ‘I pass out when I pay the preschool bill,’ and ‘the one thing I won’t give up is my cleaning lady!’ When they say that, all I hear is: “We’re saving. We pay all our bills. We have a cleaning lady!” It’s like [being single and] hearing a romantically entangled friend complain about the sunburn she got on her weekend away with her sexy boyfriend… This isn’t about envy. My friends are fantastic, admirable people who earn their money working hard and appreciating everything they have. This is about shame.”

– Money Mic: My Money Shame, or Why Broke is the New Single, on LearnVest

I’d always thought that what I felt was envy, envious of and lusting after friends’ lives: the opportunities they got, the material things they could afford, the lifestyles I could only dream of, the children they’ve been blessed with. I think I’ve laid awake so many nights thinking, How can I possibly save up for future medical bills when my current medical bills are already sapping me dry? Why is the only lifestyle I can have one where every luxury or indulgence is tagged onto a Groupon? What is it like to travel without counting every penny and cramming into backpacker inns? Have I actually ever purchased anything that wasn’t on sale or promotion? Why do I always fall flat in my face chasing my dreams? And will I ever get to be a real woman? After reading this article, I now know better. It’s not so much envy as it is shame. I am ashamed of me. And I think that’s worse than envy. I need therapy. =(

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